the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
