i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
