know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
