I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
