Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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