Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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