Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
