I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
