Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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