Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
