I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
