Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
My ATM looks so different sober.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
