there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Are my feet made of real feet?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
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