Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize