i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
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