She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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