so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
