After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
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My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I AM VODKA MAN
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
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