I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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