we're blogging at a bar
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
