have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
