We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
