M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
