A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
