I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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