No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
