So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize