i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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