oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
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