IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
