i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
