You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
