i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship