hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach