the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
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I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had