Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
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Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
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You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.