dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
