oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
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