It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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