sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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