How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
