dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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