remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Randomize
