I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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