we have officially lost it.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
