I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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