i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
