I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
