I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
