She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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