for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
