Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
