Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
