Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
