They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
