3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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