I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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