It's like a parade of train wrecks.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize