I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
