Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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