somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
