How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
