how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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