i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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