dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
