Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
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