I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
